The Black Sheep
by NowakiStar
Summary: PARODY! Total CRACK  of Kuroshitsuji. Summary in 1st chapter.  Sebastian is a sex slave. Ciel, a Lady Gaga fanboy. And Grelle? You don't wanna know. And I don't know.
1. His Sheep, Preview

_Well, this is the lovely Kuroshitsuji Preview. (: _

_The first chapter will be out once I get a few more votes on my poll. Oh, VOTE btw! It's over what is put into Sebastian's lemonade. _

**-/-The Black Sheep:**

A short walk through the Misty Mountains and stones throw from Mordor**, **lays a Gothic Mansion, of the illustrious Hiveophantom earldom and it's Master, one Ciel Hiveophantom. Which is a fancy way of saying 'he owned the shit.' **((Yeah, it's taken from the book's back. Where the hell else am I gonna get a preview? lol)) **Earl Hiveophantom is basically Queen Kayla's bottom bitch, often referred to as "Her Cattle-Dog" and is only about 12 and half plus a week year's old, making all fan-girls older than 16 legally pedophiles.

But luckily he is never fan-girl raped because he has a wonderful sex-slave- Er, I mean, pet-demon named Sebastian whom is great at distraction.

There is apparently nothing Sebastian cannot do. In fact, one might say he's too good to be true. Or that he's just a Gary-Sue. Or that he's too good to be human. Or that he's _too _good to be a sparkly fairy like Edward Cullen whom they made him a likeness to in the second season. Or that he's too good to wear clothes. Or that... Well, I'll shut up now.

Anyhow, basically things will blow up. And people will actually die this time! And **not** come back!

-/-

**Sorry this is so short! Intro Chapter, remember? Plus, it's mostly to get the name out there anyway. (: **

**Please Vote & Review, btw! **


	2. His Sheep, On Crack

_Well, I'm looking for a Beta for this. It'll be the first time I've used a Beta, but I think I need one since this is the first fanfic I've written without finishing the books to their current point. I try to keep up on all the series I read but for personal reasons, I'm a little behind on Black Butler. So, I'd like someone whose up-to-date to help me out a little bit if not Beta.  
And Merry Mabon! If I weren't sick, I'd be out celebriting. _

_Oh, and to those not familiar with my Parodies...** Expect crack and don't say I didn't warn you!** Oh, and I changed butler to sheep. It's the same word after all, so why not? **Oh, and season 2 SPOILERS!**_

**-The Black Sheep, Chapter 1.**  
**In the Morning: **  
**The Sheep, Tired.** *

Just a short frolic from the ash stained Mordor* there stands a Gothic Parodise. It's owner, head of the Hiveophantom family, begins his day with much bitching, cake and a nice cap of Earl Grey.

"Boochan, it's time to wake up."

"Stop talking in bloody Japanese! We're in Europe!" Ciel said, throwing a pillow at his sheep's head.

"Sorry, Young Master." Sebastian said, knowing he was in for another long day.

"Yeah, whatever. You and the fucking subtitles are all the same. I mean, everything is written in English and when I read it outloud the subs are wrong! What is wrong with this stupid anime?" Ciel sighed before suddenly adding, "Oh, and Grell's too straight. He can't even be called _'Grelle.'_"

"Young Master," Sebastian started, ignoring the usual outburst, "I brought you your tea and cake."

"And you! Why did it have to be you? I don't want to be with you for the rest of my unnatural life! You're way too happy all the time. It's like, you don't even realize how terrible this fandom's become!"

"Young Master," Sebastian couldn't help thinking Ciel was a little worse this morning, "Have you been watching the second season again?"

"It's my show! I have a right to decide how it ends!" Ciel growled, still bitter even though it was all over.

"But, Boochan, it gives you nightmares."

"Again with the Japanese!"

"I'm very sorry, Young Master! So sorry!"

"Oh, just give me the bloody cake." *

-/-**A few minutes later, and after much bitching and cake eating:**

"Young Master, Hugh Jackman has arrived."

"Ah, good."

Minutes later, the two men faced off against each other. It was Ciel's order that every Monday morning, Sebastian was to fight an action-movie star. Mainly because back then, there wasn't any WWE wrestling. But also because Ciel was ansty and, like all wrestling fans, just wanted to watch a couple sweaty guys rolling about in tight little outfits. Oh, what a lovely "sport" wrestling was.

"This technique I learned on the set of X-Men 2." Hugh announced, before running at Sebastian with imaginary wolverine claws. Sebastian easily knocked him away. "You may have got me there, but I still have one more, uber-cool-secret move!" Jackman said, "It was the favorite of my whole acting class."

Again, Sebastian defeated a famous actor from the future. No surprise really.

"There's no way you're just a normal guy. Come on, who are you? Sam Worthington?" Jackman asked, with a knowing smile.

"I'm Sebastian Michaelis-"

"Ahem."

"Oh, come on! That's Russian, not Japanese! Besides, you're the one who gave me that name!" Sebastian protested to Ciel interuption.

"It's the Russian verson of Michaels. Now say it in English or I'll throw myself off the cliff again!"

Sighing, Sebastian restarted, "I am Sebastian Michaels. The sheep of the Hiveophantom family."

"Well then, sheep, you have my respect." Hugh said, giving him a bow, "Shall I send Angelina Jolie next week? I think she just finished with a movie, so she ought to be free."

"Yes, thank you." Sebastian replied, returning the bow. Then, he looked to Ciel, "Well, once again, I won the bet. I believe you owe me now."

"I'm not in the mood." He said, as usual, "Although, I'm sure your fan club over there..."

"What are you idiots doing here?" Sebastian yelled at the other Hiveophantom servents. They were three of the most wreckless people he'd ever met, and Sebastian _had_ led a very long life. "Bard, go on a diet!* Finny, you... go break something! Mey-Rin, stop looking like an idiot and get back to practicing! This lazy behavior of yours, and I do mean all of you, has got to end! Who are you? The Druitt's servants? I think not." Sebastian knew he was starting to sound like Ciel. But that didn't really matter, since he was a prefect Gary-Sue he'd be forgiven. "Remember, if you're not good-looking than you must be useful. And none of you are good looking."

"Hey, Sebastian, drink this." Ciel said suddenly, holding a cup of lemonaide out to him. Of course, it couldn't just be lemonaide. Knowing the Master, it was probably filled with gasoline or something. But, it wasn't like Sebastian could just say no.

"Sir, that has nothing to do with this parody's storyline. In fact, we've gone over 1000 words on what should have been a quick intro.

"Drink it." Ciel said, giving Sebastian his Sadistic-Munchkin smile. "Oh, and by the way. I have a friend coming over today. So, you better make me some bloody cake."

Sebastian nodded, and drank the vile smelling lemonaid. "Of course, Sir. I'll get right to that... But first, would you care to tell me what was in that?"

"I can't. The poll is tied, because of the writer's decision to include votes from not only fanfiction but also deviantart and her FB friends. Maybe if she'd gotten more imput on here she wouldn't have had to ask on DA... However, I can tell you this, it's not Swine Flu."

Sebastian gulped, "Thank you, Sir. Turning blue was a huge concern of mine."

-/-**Preparing for Mr. Citrus:**

Sebastian had just began mixing the cake when he heard the screams. They were not _'OMG my hair's on fire' _screams. They were more like the sound a cheerleader might squeal upon seeing a mouse. _What now,_ he wondered, doing the usual _'it's the stupid servents at it again'-face-palm. *_

They'd all crowded into the kitchen a moment later, apologizing. It seems, Finnian had remembered to water the garden, forgetting that the Hiveophantom trees should be bare and forebidding. This was a Gothic Parodise, not a unicorn's wet dream! Mey-Rin had been unable to break a single glass. _Let's face it,_ Sebastian said to himself, _she's no opera singer. We just can't expect her to break glass that easily._ And Bard, **one again, **had made himself a sandwich using candy! Sebastian was at his wits end with these three.

"It's okay," he lied, "We have plenty of time to ruin the mansion before the old guy shows up."

Of course, the time flew by. And the man's arrival neared closer. The mansion remained prefect until Sebastian had finished the cake, giving him only 15 minutes to wreck the house and take a hammer to every mirror in sight. And though it was a rush job, Sebastian himself had to admit the house looked truely terrible, trashed as it was. His master would be proud.

-/-**Swiching to our sadistic shota's POV:**

Ciel waited outside, sitting on the mansion's front steps. He almost dreaded the visit. But, Mr. Citrus couldn't be blamed for his odd behavior. He was from the future, the year 2056 if Ciel remembered correctly. It was natural. But he was also anixous for an entirally different reason.

"Hello there!" he called to the nearing carriage. He knew it was one of his own because it was being driven by two skeletal horses. It was a sure mark of Hiveophantom noblity.

It stopped mere centimeters from the boy on the steps. Mr. Citrus bailed out of it within a heartbeat. He gaged a little before apologizing and stating that he feared he'd never grow used to the feel of the buggie.

"Pity. But I suppose it can't be helped." Ciel stroked one of the horses. Beautiful creatures, he thought, hearing the last crash of a chandelier from the house behind him. It was a lovely sound. He'd never tire of it.

"Well, I'm glad to see you're alive and still innocent." Mr. Citrus commented, as they walked back to the house, "I was worried after my last visit, when that sheep of your's commented on your arse."

"I'm happy to see you are still well and also seem to have mantained your innocence." Ciel growled back, words dripping with vemon. To this, Citrus only laughed. He didn't understand a word of diginty! It was shocking! And to say something so crude, so personal! Ciel wanted to kill him for it. He'd stab him in the eye with the hybrid spoon-fork baby Citrus had brought him last time. The spork, was it? Yes, that's what he'd use...

_Oh bloody hell! Alois, you're dead. Stop sending me your crazed bi-polar-ness when we're not even sharing a body!_ All of this was screamed inside his head. Including the exclamation points. They were screamed the loudest.

"Welcome," Sebastian said, opening the door for the two. The other servents, standing just inside, bowed deeply.

"Wow," Mr. Citrus said, looking about the destroyed room, "Amazing."

"I'm sure you two have much to discuss. I shall show you to the Master's study now."

They followed him, Ciel's anxiousness returning.

"About the _thing_ I asked for?" he started, once Sebastian had left them.

"Oh, yes! Of course, I brought it as well."

"May I see it?"

"You won't believe how hard this was to get past Teleport Security." Citrus said, pulling a larger than normal cigarette case from the inside of his jacket. He laid it on the desk between them.

"Is it..."

"Yes. I regret to say, this was the best I could do."

Ciel was barely hearing him. He picked up the box, not believing for a minute that he was actually holding _it_. It was finally his! Ciel's breathe cuaght as he slid the thin package from the carton. He shivered as he ripped the packaging away.

There it was. 'Love and Fame' by Lady Gaga. He felt as though his heart would burst as he clutched the CD.

That's when he realized the unthinkable. There weren't any CD players in 18th Century England. Ciel's life was ruined.

-/-

He wanted to die. All though dinner, Ciel thought of ways to torture Mr. Citrus for this great dishonor. He was in such a bad mood, he hardly realized that he not only swallowed a bone that was in his stew, but also a bit of chewing gum. Finnian strip teased, but that too was ignored along with Sebastian's "epic table-cloth trick" which was a real pity because he'd been practicing it and no one noticed.

Hiveophantom just wasn't in the mood. Later that evening, he had Mr. Citrus baked into chili and fed to Mey-Rin. Little did any of them know, he was needed for Character-Development & StoryLine Structure in a later chapter. Thus, they screwed themselves and this whole parody.

-/-**The Alois Bonus Feature:**

"Nobody loves me! Everybody hates me! I guess I'll go eat bugs!" * I sang, skipping down the basement stairs. I smiled, watching Hannah clean Ciel's sick off the floor. How disgusting!

She didn't seem to be enjoying it either. So, figuring one of us should be having fun, I happily kicked her. She fell forward, into the mess, shreiking. I laughed, like a typical spoiled-brat noble might, and ran off to find Claude. Behind me, I thought I heard her saying, _"Oh, why must I love him?"_ But I must have been mistaken.

-/-

**WOW! So, many fricking words! And only one cuss-word! I can't believe my eyes! Anyway, I'm kind of proud of this first chapter. It's a little longer than I'd hoped (When I write things in my notebook, I know they shrink like "sexy jeans" in the wash. lol) but I'm happy with it. More so than some of my other parodies. Please tell me what you think, because I'm a little nervous after throwing myself into this Fandom. Over in JR, people know me as the weirdo with the crack parodies. I'm new to the Kuro relam. (Except on DA where I make demotivationals for it) So, review please? **

***This is the book format, though I will be using the anime's format ((Example: His Bulter, On Ice... When I saw that ep. I couldn't help laughing. It's so adorable but in a terribly geeky way. hehe)) for the chapter names. **  
***For some reason the idea of skipping/frolicking out of Mordor made me giggle.**  
***I apologize for the repeated use of the word 'bloody.' When I first wrote this out in my notebook, I used a lot of cuss words. I'm too used to the JR parodies I guess. Anyway, I filled in most of them with 'bloody.' Just wanted to point out, I'm not stereotyping British people. I just don't think Ciel should have as foul a mouth as I do.**  
***Bard's diet is an inside joke. Sorry. I know, I hate those too.  
*****You have no idea how long it took trying to word that. ****  
*I know the lyric is 'worms' but Alois eating bugs is something I made up on DA awhile back. Grell was saying how his son, Alois, was prefectly normal. lol. **


	3. His Sheep, Paper Gangsta

_Forgive me..._

_I thought it'd make Lizzie more loveable... _

**_Dedicated to: Shadet 4-ever whome inspired the bonus this time.  
_**_(Sorry this took so long. I was waiting for another friend to post the song parody she wrote for this, bout AIDs being in Sebastian's lemonade, but she doesn't have internet right now, so the next chapter will be for her.) _

-/-

**The Black Sheep, Chapter Two.**  
**In the Afternoon:**  
**The Sheep, Bored Out of his Fricking Mind. **

It was disgusted as a cane shop, but everyone knew it was actually part of the black-market. It was infamous for selling things smuggled in from the future. Ciel could only hope it sold CD players.

"Hello there, little boy." The creepy man at the counter said, "Would you like some candy?"

"Sebastian, please whack the Pedo-bear for me." Ciel said, without a a second thought.

"Of course, young master." the demon sheep replied, turning his hand to 'pimp-slap' the fool who'd messed with his master.

"Okay, okay! I'm sorry! I take it back!" he screamed. However, he was still slapped across the face.

"I want a CD player. You have one, don't you?" He said as if nothing had happened, however the look he was sending the man said, _'You'd better have one.'_

"Oh, come on. CD players are so history! Wouldn't you rather spend a couple hundred on the lastest iPod Touch? It's not like the technology will be updated in another week or two."

"No, I need a CD player. How the heck do you expect me to play a CD on a bloody iPod?"

"But it comes with wifi and-"

"Must I remind you that there is no internet in this century?" Ciel asked, still bitter about it although he had no idea what he was missing.

"True," the shopkeeper said, "Oh, and I'm going to have to ask you to buy this lovely cane."

"What?"

"Well, the cops have been hanging around and I've had to actually start making canes. So, would you please buy one? It'll keep the Queen happy, you know." he said, with a devilish wink.

Sebastian looked at his master, as if asking _'Should I beat him up?'_

"It's okay. I'm beautiful and dirty rich." Ciel said, happily.

-/-During the carriage ride back:

"Sir, I have a bad feeling about this."

_"Can't read my~ Can't read my~ No, he can't read my pokerface~" _Ciel sang allong with his CD, completely ignoring Sebastian's warning. Little did he know.

-/-

"Oh my god!" Ciel said, sounding a little more British than usual.* He was staring in shock at his mansion. It had been spray-painted hot pink and was covered with glitter and duct tape. _We must be at the wrong house,_ he though. Yet, inside he knew the truth. This was his Gothic Parodise. And it had been ruined. The inside was even worse. The hords of junk he'd collected over the years was gone. In fact, the mansion sparkled... It was all most disturbing.

"What the heck is going on here?" Sebastian asked the staff as they slowly filled in. Mey-Rin had been dressed in a girl's school uniform. Bard was a sailor. Finnian, on the other hand, was a princess. This was all the work of one person. And he was in deep once Ciel got ahold of him.

They found Laurent in the next room, dressing Tanaka as a nun.

"What the heck are you doing?"

Laurent blinked once before suddenly shrieking, "Ciel~ I've missed you so much!" He rushed to half hug, half glomp Ciel whom swore to himself that one day it'd be Laurent in the chili bowl.

"Ahem, Master Laurent, I believe you ought to stop. Mey-Rin is in the next room, bleeding to death you see."* Sebastian interrupted them.

Laurent giggled, letting a blushing Ciel go. "Sebastian, oh my gosh! It's been so long! Look, I even bought you something!" He dug into his purse for a moment before pulling out a fluffy blob of pink, "It's a fleece sweater vest. Isn't it just adorable?"

"Oh, way thank you. I truly adore sweater vests. What a very thoughtful gift." Laurent didn't notice his eye roll. He was too busy chatting away at Ciel.

"Who is this monster?" Finnian asked.

"Oh, Laurent is Ciel's betrothed."

"What?" They all gasped.

"Most nobles have arranged marriages. Ciel and Laurent were engaged before birth. Ciel's parents had agreed since someone had predicted Laurent to be a girl. Unfortunitly, the future's always changing you see, and well..."

"They left the engagment the way it was?" Mey-Rin asked quietly.

"Of course they did! Their union was blessed by the Bishop _and_ the Pope! There was no way they could back out of the arrangement with honor."

"But... That there doesn't look like something the Pope would approve of." Bard drawled, pointing at the two boys.

"Yes, well Laurent is a well kept secret. They usually keep him in the basement and tell people their daughter is abroad."

"That ain't no broad."

"No, _ah_ broad. Not,_ a_ broad. Like, studying over-seas." Sebastian said, doing a dramatic face palm at Bard's ignorance.

"Laurent, why are you not locked up in a closet somewhere?" Ciel asked, finally getting a chance to talk.

"I had my personal maid let me out," he said with a smile, "It probably helped that I was handling a silk thong at the time."

"Your mother is probably worried sick. You know you're not allowed to leave the house!"

"But I wanted to see you!" Laurent protested, pouting. A second later, his expression was back to normal, "Since I'm here, why don't we have a party? Just the two of us? It'll be great." Ciel and Sebastian shared a look of dismay as he continued, "I even picked a cute pink dress out for you! Go on, get dressed!"

-/-

Ciel slammed the door to his office angrily. A second later, Sebastian reopened it, covering his nose which had been smashed by the door.

"I can not believe I'm expected to marry him!" Ciel grumbled, sitting down at his desk.

"His family is of higher noblitly. Not to mention their wealth, and the money they continue to pay you to keep quiet about thier son."

"If I ever revealed that their 'daughter' was in fact male, it wouldn't only be their diginity on the line. My family name would go down as well."

"Regardless, the best course of action is to go along with his silly games and _'just dance.'_"

"I don't have time for his crazy whims. I have three more songs to memorize here. So, why don't you just stuff some food into that big mouth of his and send him back home to be locked away in the attic." Ciel replied, already putting his earphones in.

"Young Master, I have never seen you do so, and correct me if I'm wrong, but do you know how to dance?"

Ciel responded by spinning around in his wheely-chair and blasting 'Love Games' at top volume.

"Well, that explains quite a bit. But, surely, you had instructors as a child like most nobles?"

"Fine! I admit it! I dance like a white boy!" he burst out, still not facing Sebastian.

Sabastian blinked in confusion before stating, "But, Sir, you are a white boy."

"Stop rubbing it in!" he yelled. But it wasn't the typical 'bitchy' yell, it was more like a whine. No, a sob.

"Don't worry about that," Sebastian said, turning the chair to face him once more, "Allow me to handle everything, my lord."

-/-Not ten minutes later:

"You are fucking kidding me."

"Sir?"

"There is no way I am dancing with _that_!" Ciel said, glaring at Grelle whom was making an early apperance. "What about you? I thought you were going to teach me?"

Sebastian sighed before explaining, "My lord, it is a commonally known fact, straight white men cannot dance. Therefore, I cannot be the one to teach you. Grelle however-"

"Why is he the solution to everything? It's just like the bloody second season when-"

"Spoilers, my lord." Sebastian interupted, before any more could be revealed.

Grelle sighed, pushing up his glasses, "Look, if you really what to learn, watch me closely. Cause I'm only gonna do this once."

What happened next was too graphic for even fanfiction and has been censored for your sanity.

However it most have been sufficient, because Ciel evidently learned the Sojia Boy. However, the "cute" pink dress that Laurent had brought him, made Ciel want to vomit. Instead, he changed into one of his many adorable suits, figuring Laurent wouldn't notice a thing, and headed back to the disaster zone where Laurent was telling poor Finny about his plan to adopt a panda.

"That's enough, Laurent."

_"Ciel~kun!" _the boy sang, prancing over to him, "You're so adorable."

Ciel didn't whine about the use of Japanese. Nor did he protest when Laurent took both of his hands. Complaining would only make this last longer, he knew, and he really wanted it to end quickly.

"What's this?" Ciel looked up, into Laurent's eyes. He was glaring down at their joined hands.

"What's wrong?"

"This ring. Whose is it?"

"It's mine." he replied, confused.

"But... Don't you love me, Ciel?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Why do you have a promise ring on? A really blinged out promise ring?"* Laurent screamed, pulling it from Ciel's finger, "Am I not enough for you?"

"No, Laurent! I swear, that's just a cheap ring I got out of a machine outside Wal-Mart!" It was a lie, but Ciel didn't like discussing his dark, ansty back-story with side characters.

Laurent looked at it for a moment, "Oh. That makes sense," he said, about it give it back. Unforuntily when Ciel hastily reached for it, it fell to the ground and shattered into a million tiny peices.

Ciel wasn't thinking as he extended his hand to bitch-slap the hell outa Laurent. But something stopped him. No, Sebastian had grabbed his arm.

"My lord, use this instead!" Sebastian said, putting the newly purchased cane into Ciel's hand as if expecting him to beat Laurent with it. However, when Ciel made no move to do so, he quickly covered, "That ring was very important to the master. You'll have to forgive his rudeness. Please, excuse us for a moment, I believe-"

"No," he said, picking up the broken peices.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to break it, I swear!" Laurent began whining.

"No, it's alright." he went to the wondow and tossed the remains of his ring out, "It's just a lousy old ring, that must have been cheap if it broke so easily."

"Ciel," Laurent smiled through his tears.

"Crying out of self pity? How can you call yourself a man? I won't want to dance with a total pussy, would I?" Laurent laughed and let Ciel wipe away the tears with his hankie.*

After a few minutes, once everything was somewhat back to normal, as if anything in this anime is normal, Ciel showed off his stupid dance and the 'party' ended happily.

"Young Master, Finnain phoned your aunt. A carriage will be around in the morning to collect him." Sebastian said later, in Ciel's room.

"Ah, good."

"You danced very well today, Sir."

"I know right! I kicked butt!"

"We're all very proud of you. I believe you are diserving of this." He extented a gloved hand, in which he held the ring. It had been fixed and looked good as new.

"But it broke!" he exclaimed, Sebastian taking his hand.

"This ring exsists solely to be worn by your finger. Or something like that."

"Um... Was that a lame confesson or something?"

"No," Sebastian whispered, "It's just in the scribt."

"Oh," he was only slightly disapointed. Sebastian had made it to the Semi-Finals of Sexiest Men of Anime 2010.* Anybody would be happy to hook up with him.

"Boochan, you look upset? Did you really want that confession?"

"No!" he replied a little too quickly, "I just have a depressing monologe to do. So, if you don't mind, I'd like to get it over with."

"Sorry, Boochan."

Ciel's hands suddenly came up, and tingled in his hair. His eyes closed dramatically as he began, "This ring has seen the demise of it's master many times. Pretty much all of my family that came before me. And, without fail, it'll witness my death as well. It has heard the final breath of every family-head. When I close my eyes, I can hear them. I thought, maybe if I just throw it away I wouldn't hear them anymore. But that was just foolishness." He looked up, "Stay with me, Sebastian? At least until I fall asleep?"

"Yes, Boochan." the demon smirked, "I will stay with you until the very end. I shall always be by your side, and in the morning I'll be sure to call somebody about those voices you're hearing."

"Sebastian, forget the stupid monologe and let me!"

"Sorry, Boochan!"

"Enough with that stupid word! That's the fourth time you've used it and I swear I'm going to start acting like Alois if you don't stop."

"That's a very serious threat, Boochan."

"Don't test me."

-/-Alois Bonus:

"So, we're not going to the bathroom together?" I asked, turning to see Ciel clutching his sword.

"Alois, I challange thy to duel."

"Um, how about no." I asked, picking up a randomly placed gun. He dropped the sword instantly, and was about to call for his sheep when I grabbed him by the collar.

"Where are you-" he started, as I began draging him toward the large walk in closet. Come on, he was a lot smaller than me! There was no way he could beat me anyhow! "Sebastian!" he screamed, suddenly realizing where we were headed.

"Boochan!" Sebastain was in the room in a second. Claude was there too, but he's a jerk and no one cares about him.

"Sebastian! Help! He's going to rape me!" Ciel cried, slapping at my hands.

Sebastian blinked, before darkly smiling. "Okay, _I'll help." _he purred, picking the boy up and taking him to the closet.

-/-

**Ciel needs to watch what he says! lol. **

***Because the only thing more adorable than Ciel speaking in Japanese is Ciel speaking in an English accent. :9**  
***Nose bleeds are deadly.**  
***I don't know why, but I always end up using these annoying little fads in my stories... Nothing against the 'promise' ring, but it's really not my thing.**  
***I don't know. Ciel was being rude and she just ate it up. :(**  
***Sadly Zero Kiriyu beat him. :( **


	4. His Sheep, Vacuums of Doom

_Haven't heard from my Beta in awhile... Hm..._

**_Dedicated to: CheshireCat2008 whom wrote a song spoof for this parody about what was in Sebastian's lemonade. _**

**The Black Sheep  
In The Evening  
The Sheep, Wondering if Anyone Even Reads This. **

**WARNING: Swearing, Sebastian's you-know, more cussing... You get the idea.**

**-/-**

"Son of a bulldog!" Bard swore, rummaging through the ceiling passage way. "Damn, they got it bad." he pulled another wire from the loose ceiling tile.

"Is it the fangirls again?" Mey-Rin asked, fidgeting.

"I've heard they're really bad this year." Finnian said, wondering if a fangirl was to blame for the scream he'd heard that morning.

"Yeah, ever since teleport sucurety was hijacked, they've been rabid. London is crawling with anime addicts, trying to get a glimse of Ciel." Bard shook his head disaprovingly, "One offered me a hundred bucks today for a lock of Grelle's hair."

"They've got to be stopped."

"Fangirl spotted!" Finniansuddenly screamed, picking up a bolder that had appeared out of nowhere. He hurled it at a girl who'd cleverly hidden behind a suit of armor. Unforunitly, it missed and she managed to snap a picture of Finnain before disapearing down the hall.

"That there ain't gonna cut it! We need to plan here."

"I assume this means you have one?"

"My momma's homecooking use ta draw 'em out. O'course I'd have ta make it myself... Y'all got anything?"

"I'll set my pet pedo-bear loose!" Finnian grinned sadistically.

"I can shoot at them, I suppose."

"No!" cried Finnian.

"You can't!" Bard protested, "Then your back-story would be out! You can't reveal it just yet!"

"Fine, I'll 'build a better mouse trap' I guess." she rolled her eyes, "Maybe if I make it big enough I'll get stuck in it. Sebastian will be so proud."

"Well, let's do it!" Bard cheered.

"Yeah!" the other servants joined in.

**-/-Meanwhile:**

"It's so noisy!" a man on one of the computer screens announced, "This high tech equipment really amplifies everything!"

"It seems you have fan-girl problem as well." Spoke a 'fat man' munching on a sandwitch. Not a sandwich, a sandwitch.

"As well?" Lau asked at a desk beside Ciel's. Madiam Red was there also but still hadn't been introduced to the storyline and did little to no speaking. She will admitted from the rest of the chapter due to this. "Don't even try to tell me _you _have fan-girls!"

"Do you not know who I am?" the man shouted, "I'm Captain Kirk, commander of the U.S.S Enterprise! I'm the most epic thing to happen to Outer Space as well as Inter Space!"

"Sorry, but I honestly don't know o any Captain Kirk, nor do I care. So please, _Captain, _kindly shut up will you?"

"We from Middle Earth feel the same way," Aragorn said, tapping his foot.

"Holy shit! Boy let himself go!" said another screen. It was labeled: Beast, Mike of the year 2009. And, as usual, the guy was annoying as ever. It was unfortunate that Mr. Obama, of the same year*, was absent from the meeting. He seemed to be the only one Mike respected.

"Anyway, let us return to the point."

"There is no point."

"Ah, yes. Well, let us talk of cake." Kirk cut in.

"Cake? There's a war going on in all of our time periods, expect for Armand and the three from England, and all you can think about is cake?"

"Cake is good!" he said, defending himself.

"Agreed. Shall we vote cake as a international-all-time favorite?" Armand said, brushing his hair.

"Sounds good." Napoleon Bonaparte said.

"No, I prefer ice cream."

"No way! Half of us will never get to taste ice-cream!" Aragorn protested, "Let's go with cake."

"What about cake and ice-cream? That is obivously the most logical choice." a pointy eared man with the captain said.

"May I excuse myself from the remainder of this meeting?" Ciel asked, knowing the inter-century chat was a waste of his time. No one valued from it at all. It was simply a way for the different time periods to pretend they were united. It was important to be at peace, not that there was serious threat of war. But because of the thousands whom wanted to go back and change the past. No one could blame people for wanting to perhaps save a family member on the Titanic. Or those whom wanted to go back and assassinate Hitler. They were all just causes. However, all would effect the future outcome and thus prohibited. The inter-century chatroom trolls made sure of that.

"Ciel, you recieved the report I sent you, I'm sure?"

"Yes, do not worry about a thing."

"Are you sure you don't need any help. It's the Enterprise's five year mission to-"

"We can handle it, I assure you. Surely the United Star whatever-the-heck knows when it is time to back off." Ciel replied, clicking the little red X that would free him from the future and past crazies of the world.

-/-

"What are you doing?" Sebastian asked, too shocked to take in the full picture. Bard was wearing a pink apron, holding a pot of sicky sweet smelling Jumbaliah. Finny was screamed about a "Mr. Fluffy" escaping. And Mey-Rin was hopping up and down on a gaint moose trap, and failing to be cuaght in it. Pity, the device closed mid-hop and she didn't break a leg. He would have given her three points for trying, but it was a huge disapointment.

"The fan-girls!" Bard cried, abruptly tripping over a shoe-lace, "They're everywhere!"

"The horror!" Finnian screamed as well.

"Sebastian," Ciel said, not batting an eye at the chaos around them, "Make me sone cake."

Great. Another pest to deal with.

"Allow me to draw the fan-girls out, eh?" Sebastian said, unbottoning his shirt. All of a sudden, the room was flooded with the annoying, overly-loud girls. All of which nose-bled to death when his shirt was fully removed. Mey-Rin was lucky enough to have Bard shielding her eyes.

Sebastian ordered Finny to call the prevert undertaker and clean up the mess. The latter would be rather difficult as Finnian's nose was bleeding as well. Sebastian then went into the kitchen in order to bake the cake Ciel had requested.

-/-

Ciel slammed the door to his office behind him.

"I'm never going to get that cake, am I? No, 'the cake is always a lie' is a reccurring theme in these stories. Which means, I'm probably about to be kid-napped by a side-character whom has only made a single apperance so far." He sighed, noticing the looming darkness in the corner of his eye, "Go ahead. Let's get this 'napping' over with, shall we?"

He made no attempt escape the man whom grabbed him. Nor did Ciel struggle. He was hoping that maybe when it was all over, he'd finally get that cake. Though, he highly doubted it.

-/- **An hour later:** (What? Did you think Sebastian could creat a masterpeice cake within ten minutes?)

Sebastian whistled as he wheeled a tray to his master's office. Baking always put him in a good mood. He knocked twice, "Sir, the cake you requested."

There was no answer.

"Sir?" he asked, mind venturing to the gutter as he imagined what the master mind be trying to hide from him.

Still no answer.

"I'm coming in." he tried. When even that didn't get him a responce, he threw open the door.

The room was empty.

And Sebastian felt like an asshole.

-/-**Somewhere far, far away:**

"Over many, many generations, your kind has done the Queen Kayla's dirty work. You, the aristocrate of evil. Disobetant hens meet their end in your jaws. You the cattle god of-"

"This is the worst monologue I've ever heard. And I read Junjou Romantica, so I've delt with some pretty bad monologuing." Ciel interupted, not caring about the gun in the man's hand. Being a demonic shota meant three things: he'd never grow old, he'd never never die and he'd never face fear again. *

"It's in the freaking script!"

"Mike, cut the crap. What is that you want?"

"In this century, it's hard for us futurelings to make money. You past folks only have one thing on your mind! Tea stains your brain and your carpets!* So, how do we make money here? Not drugs, not pastic surgery! But vacuum cleaners of all things!" Mike laughed madly, "And you can't play innocient yourself, Ciel! I know you bought smuggled goods as well. I saw you coming out of that shop downtown!"

"That doesn't mean I bought anything! And you don't know, maybe I was checking it out for the Queen!"

"Do not deny it, Ciel. I know you have a weakness for 21st century pop-culture. And what about the others in your house? No, what about all of 18th century England! Whose to say, they aren't just bidding their time? Watching 'n waiting. Afraid of Ciel Hiveophantom, sweepier vac of the dark!" Mike did a terrible mock 'evil laugh' before continuing, "I was careful not to deal those Hoover Vacs in year 300, so it was a surpirse you caught me so fast. I suppose you used Mr. Citrus-"

"Mr. Citrus is dead, actually."

"I suppose you used Mr. Citrus!" Mike repeated, louder, "That's way I'm a failure. I'm not so beast after all. Now, you understand what I want. Tell me where the 'cuums are and nobody gets hurt!"

"If I don't return, my sex slave Sebastian will point the police toward the warehouse. You see, for once I outsmarted you lousy dog-nappers! The cake will be mine at last!"

"Watch it, hoe! I already have my boys at yo house! And 'less you want your stud-muffin full of holes, I suggest you tell me where you've stashed my Hoover vacuums."

Ciel smirked, "I hope your little poodles know how to play fetch. It'd be a shame if they got hurt playing with my sheep.*"

Mike drop kicked our precious shota for dramatic affect. Blood spattered everywhere, but Ciel wasn't worried about the blood. What he was really worried about was how many times he'd been kicked/hit on the head. Every kick would cost him six brain-cells. At this rate, he should be as stupid as Finnian... Of course, it was okay for Finnian to act 'blonde' because he was adorable.

"Kill them all!" Mike shouted, once again putting Light Yagami to shame with his laugh. Well, in all honestly, it was more of a giggle.

-/-

_It seems that once again, Ceiel has missed his chance for dessert. Such a pity too. Well, I suppose I better go look for him. I doubt he'd be hiding under the desk if he knew I was bringing cake._

"Sebastian!" Mey-Rin was yelling, as she ran down the hallway toward him. Lovely. "There's a letter for you!"

"To whom is it addressed?"

"Mr. Walet dans Lord Ciel... That doesn''t even make sense. I mean, walet?"

"It's valet, I believe."

"But still, the rest isn't-" she suddenly tripped and both of them fell backwards. Out of nowhere, what appeared to be a tennis ball flew through the open window and manged to take some of Sebastian's hair out.

Mey-Rin landed on top of Sebastian, in a typical anime fall-glomp.

"Sebastian-" she suddenly gasped, "You're ah..."

"Yes, now would you mind moving a bit. This is rather uncomfortable."

"But Sir... Don't you think you ought to take care of _that?" _She nodded toward the rather large bulge in his pants.

"No, I always walk around like this. Couldn't you tell during the second season?"

"Oh! Wow, that does make sense!" she giggled.

"Anyway, about the letter?"

She handed it to him, still not standing up. No one could blame her for wanting to sit on Sebastian's lap a bit longer. Not even Ciel.

'Bring meh yo monay.' the letter read. It must have been a prank, he thought, crumbling it up.

Bard and Finnian suddenly appeared.

"Though we heard someone fall," Bard said, "You okay?"

"Yes, we're fine." Sebastian said, standing up. Mey-Rin fainted so he just left her on the floor, "Bard, I hate to ask this of you, but could you take care of dinner this evening? Oh, and could you take care of this as well?" He handed the cake to Bard.

"'Kay." he said, "That means, I can eat it right?"

But Sebastian had vanished. That could mean only one thing. House Party!

-/-

"Sorry, Sir, I missed the shot."

"What? You missed? How could you miss, Dense? You're the best sharp-shooter we have! There's even a silencer on your gun!"

"Ah... Well, you see..."

"Don't tell me, you and Jack hooked up in the woods again? And someone stole all your bullets, again?" When Mike didn't get an answer he continued with the story he'd heard so many times before, "And let me guess, you decided to use a golf-ball, AGAIN!"

"I'm sorry, Mike, we couldn't help it!" Jack yelled,

"I'm gonna skin you both alive and sell you as coats!"

"Hey, hold on a minute. There's something-"

"Holy Jesus Fuck! What the hell is that thing!"

"Hurry up!"

"It's here~"

"Oh my god!"

Mike swallowed his vomit, "Guys, I'd really love if you didn't do that in my car. In fact, I'd love if you didn't do that well I was on the phone, again either."

There was silence on the other end of the line.

"Epic fail!" Ciel shouted, earning another kick to the face. So far, he'd lost about 36 brainciels. I mean, briancells.

"Answer me now you fuck-faces!"

"Hello," a new voice said into the cielphone... Er, cellphone. Upon getting no reply, he repeated, "Hello?"

"Bark, bark!" Ciel began. Why not? Mike had left speaker-phone on this whole time because he was a lazy idiot.

"Understood." Sebastian said, although he had no idea what the hell his master was getting at. Well, Ciel was insane so it really didn't matter. "I'll be right there."

Ciel smirked and attempted to spit on Mike's already blood/tear/snot covered crocks; but only succeeded in hitting the carpet just inches in front of him.

-/-

Sebastian snapped the cellphone shut, "Thank you for letting me borrow your phone."

"Ah..." the two were hanging off the edge of a cliff, in a beautiful Porsche, with Sebastian as the only thing keeping them from falling to their deaths.

"Well, I ought to go. I hope you two have a safe trip, thanks again!" Sebastian said, avioding further dialogue. He watched them tomble over the cliffside, then flipped his hair and turned away from them. Why? Because, men who stand in front of explosions are cool.

Sebastian checked his pocket watch, it was only a half-hour until dinner-time. And if Sebastian did not hurry, Bard would go off the diet they'd all worked so hard to force upon him.

-/-Alois Bonus!

"Hey, Sebastian," I called, smirking.

He kept his calm expression though hate was clear in his eyes. "Yes, Alois?"

"I heard a rumor about you~" I sang happily, "I heard Ciel bought a little something special in your lemonade a few chapters back."

He stared in shock, "But- Who told you?"

"I read it," I smiled, "Right here on fanfiction."

"No way! There's no way she could have uploaded the song parody! I burnt the notebook it was written in!"

"Don't believe me?" I asked, "Look up 'AIDs in my lemonade' by CheshireCat2008."

Sebastian disappeared, probably to borrow Ciel's laptop. Really, there was nothing he could do. The song was already popular amongst a group of writters in Pennsylvania. And freaking Bret Micheals was from the lousy state! This song would be popular in a few centuries. Sebastian's social life was over!

-/-

Many thanks to CheshireCat2008 whom wrote a song about this parody. Go check it out, it's a parody of Alejandro by Lady Gaga. Lol. Much love, A!

*Yeah, 2009. Back when Obama was still popular... Please no comments on this! Keep your politics to yourself!  
*Ciel has been watching too many vamprie movies. lol  
*Acording to the manga, it's hard for Italians to make money because the English have 'tea stains on the brians.' But, obivously, they do very well in Germany. :9  
*I swear to any and all gods that I am not on drugs!


	5. OVA Special, Part 1

_I've been very busy and apologize for the long wait. In hopes of being forgiven, I've brought you a SPECIAL! And guess what? Grelle, Alois and Claude star in it!_

_Also, in honor of the new OVAs that are going to suck, I present: **The Phantomhive of the Opera** which is loosely based on the first OVA where they prefromed Hamlet. _

_-/-_

"I can not believe I was sucked into doing this," Ciel complianed, it was early morning after all, "I know exactly what will happen! They'll canncel. Just like last time and we'll be stuck-" The phone rang, interupting his whining.

Sebastian grinned at his master before answering, "Hello? Hiveophantom residence."

"At least I thought them not to do Hamlet. There's no way I'm about to give Laurent the pleasure of seeing me in tights."

"Ah, I see." Sebastian said calming, though his eyes were showing surprise. Covering the speaker, he told Ciel, "It seems the two men playing Raoul and the Phantom have fallen in love and refuse to fight each other, even though it's only a play."

"Go figure," Ciel sighed. He sipped his tea until Sebastian ended the call. "Suppose we ought to get our own cast, then?"

"I suppose so."

"Do it, Sebastian!"

"Fine, fine." the demon said, rushing from the room as not to indure Ciel's wrath.

Half an hour later, the entire cast of Kuroshitsuji was seated in the grand dinning room which had been turned into an auditorium. They chatting in their select groups until Sebastian called everyone to attention.

"The role of the Phantom is the most important one," he said, "So I will personally cast myself as the lead. Raoul will, naturally, be played by Claude because the chances of us falling in love are the same chances that a monkey will successfully reproduce with a mountian goat." Ciel made to interupted but Sebastian said over him, "No, Ciel. I assure you that is biologically impossible for such a thing to happen. In fact, mountian goats aren't even goats."

"That wasn't what I was going to say!" the noble replied, "I was going to ask why I was not giving either role? Surely, someone with standing such as myself ought to be in a lead role. You would not dare cast me as Christine!"

"Of course not, Young Master." Ciel had just sighed in relief when Sebastianed ended, "The role of Christine requires someone of class and appeal.

"What?"

"Master Grelle? Would you be so kind as to-" Sebastian was unable to finish the sentance due to a sudden glomp from Grelle.

"Sebas-chan~" he sang, "I knew you would pick me!"

Everyone, including Sebastian, seemed irriated.

"He had the voice," he explained. And it would have explained everything, hoever we mustn't forget that he owed Grelle a couple of favors.

After a few secondary roles were called, Sebastian annouced that Ciel was to play one of the mangers of the Opera along-side Prince Soma.* It wasn't a big role but it was better than nothing. Alois didn't get a role, though Ciel figured he's still find a way to ruin everything.

-/-

The next day, practice started. Grelle was wearing a belly dancing costume when Ciel stepped backstage. He may have been playing Christine, but he was a total Carlotta in disguise. He was a snob to everyone, including the Undertaker whom was playing Carlotta. What? He looked 'sexy-fine' in the dress.

_'He doesn't deserve the role'_ Ciel found himself thinking. However, the casting was final and nothing could change it.

"Ciel?" Angi asked, wandering toward him, "Sebastian told me that this reharsal may take a while, for they are teaching the dance first. So you are to come with me back to the sitting room to practice with the prince."

Some couldn't sing. It was a rotten thing to think about one's friend, however it was true. And though Ciel was much shorter than everyone, he outshined Andre by a fair amount. A small audience stoped to listen at one point. Among them were Hannah, Claude and, you guessed it, Alois. The three clapped loudly as the group continued on their way. Only Alois stayed to watch.

_'I should have ordered him to be given a small part,' _Ciel thought, _'Although, he probably would have stayed anyway. Ugh, I can't sing in front of him!'_

However the scene started again. Lau, the Undertaker and filling in for Claude was Angi. He was the rival sheep's understudy in case Hannah stirred up trouble and Sebastian was forced to stab Claude through the heart. Ciel took a breathe and began his short solo part. It was a few seconds before Alois began laughing but it wasn't at Ciel. Grelle had just burst in, his face revealing total shock. The Death God's mouth had even dropped, showing the rows of horrifying sharp teeth. Then he fainted, proving again why nobody feared him as a god.

-/-**Ciel's room, later that evening:**

"Where in the world, have you been hiding?" Alois said, at last finding him in his room.

"Has Grelle stopped his babbling yet?"

"Yeah, William had to slap him a few times but he'll live." There was a silence before Alois commented, "I didn't know you could sing like that."

Ciel snorted, "I thought you'd make fun of me."

"Why ever would I do that? You were amazing! More amazing then the time I bought a hot-tub over Ebay and had Claude play with me for four hours." the blonde gushed.

"But... I'm a soprano."

"So? That's actually pretty cool. Not many guys remain a soprano after-" he suddenly stopped, realizing what that meant. However he still wasn't laughing. "Oh, well in that case I understand completely! My balls still haven't dropped yet. But when they do, I'm totally going to-"

"I'd rather not be having this conversation with you."

"Okay!" Alois giggled, "Anyway, Grelle is mad with jealousy. You best stay on his good-side. Nobody knows when my father will snap!"

"Yeah."

"Well, I ought to be going now." The blonde stated, "You know how those crazy demons get when they haven't been fed!"

Ciel nodded, though he had no idea what Alois was implying. Not that he wanted to.

The fake noble was gone a minute later and Ciel was left alone.

"Ciel," a voice suddenly spoke, "You have done well, my child."

"Okay, I'm started to get real sick of all you bloody angels who think you can just prance into my life an-"

"Will you not sing for me once more? There may be nothing like a beautiful women, however your voice is that of a queen. No, a goddess! You've got the voice of a goddess and only she can give the release I-"

"Whoa! Hold it!" Ciel got up and threw open the doors to his closet. "Viscount! What exactly are you doing in my closet and why are you still refering to me as a women? I thought we had a talk about this!"

"Oh, Ciel," the man sighed, "You simply do not understand us romantics."

"Why don't you just go pop into Grelle's closet? I'm sure he'd adore a hopeless such as yourself!"

"But that would be no fun."

"Sebastian! Quick!"

At once the pet demon appeared and physically kicked the viscount from the manor. Yes, the mansion had turned into a plain manor-house because a bunch of unworthy characters had entered it. Thus again proving how much side-characters can ruin a good show.

-/-

**See you next time for Part 2! * **

**That's right, I'm ending it here. :( Unfortunitly, I have my own reharsals to attend. But if I continue writing in-between classes, this ought to be done relatively soon. (:**

***You'll notive that, out of the many side characters from the books I could have picked, Soma is the only one appearing. Why don't I introduce Beast or Drocell? Well, I can't use everyone and Soma appears in the Hamlet OVA. (I could barely fit William and Hannah into this!) And I love Soma! In fact, I may even like him more than Sebastian. lol. (:**  
***The lousy Ciel in Wonderland had two parts... I'm not a big fan of Alice so I'm not really planning to watch the second part. Besides all the virtual news surrounding the first part ruined it for me anyway. :( **


	6. OVA part 2: Dead Draw

_Well, it's been awhile since I last published a chapter. This is mainly do to a play I did recently. Along with the fact that I just got some new manga-publishing material. Which I fail at. Not because I can't draw, but because it's hard to use. If anyone reading this knows how to use __**"Manga Studio Debut 4"**__ I would totally love it if you could message me with __**help**__ because I'm clueless! (No, it did not come with directions on how to use it either.)_

_**Dedicated to:**__**Elaina, Troy**__, Annette, Devin, __**Becca**__, Anna, __**Philip, Renee**__, Montana, Big Derek, Little Derek, __**Cameron**__ of course, Geno _and hell even_ Casey and Joey. And naturally, everyone on __**stage-crew.**__ You're the real stars even though you forgot the fence and __**dropped the car**__ on Cameron and me during the first act. You guys are like my second family, __**all of you.**__ I wouldn't take anyone over you guys, not even the fabulous Sebastian Michealis. I love you and can't wait until the next play. _

-/-

Grelle's attitude was becoming more and more violet. He made nasty remarks about Ciel every chance he had, no matter whom he was in company with. It was not as if Ciel had done anything to cross him. It was pure jealously with which he was struggling.

Ciel didn't appear to notice Grelle's foul behavior. If he did, it did not faze him. He continued to do wonderfully in his own, small role. More and more people began to wonder why he had not been given the larger role. Sebastian himself wondered this but instead assured everyone that Grelle was a 'professional' and deserved to be treated as such.

The play itself was coming together brilliantly, aside from Grelle's hatred of Ciel. It was not of much concern as they had few scenes together and Ciel sang only a little. The undertaker played the part of Carlotta in the play and got along well with Ciel and Soma, whom he interacted with quite a bit. Lau too was in the play and playing the part of Carlotta's lover. They kept encouraging him to gain more weight, though it wasn't happening.

One night after rehearsal, Alois came into Ciel's room. May-Rin had just finished cleaning the hall and Ciel was about to dirty it up again when the little brat showed up.

"Ciel, you'll never believe what's happened! The phantom has struck! Come quickly!" Alois proceeded to tug Ciel down to the drawing room where the lead roles had been practicing. So far, it was only the second practice together for they all already knew all of their lines. The practice was simply for blocking* since neither Sebastian nor Claude could quite agree on how to play out the scene.

When they entered, Ciel was greeted with a scene of total chaos. Sebastian and Claude were both searching around the room for who-knows-what while Grelle jumped up and down trying to tear down a banner that exclaimed "Grell = Stupid as a Grill! Ciel for Christine!"

"You!" he crocked noticing Ciel in the corner of his eye. He spun around to face the boy, "You did this! I'll kill you!"

"What?" he asked.

"He lost his voice and then that," Alois pointed to the banner, "dropped down."

Claude caught Grelle by the arm and refused to let him tear Ciel to pieces.

"This is all his fault!" he screamed, "Sebas-chan! Get him for me, won't you?"

"Grelle, Ciel was nowhere near here." Sebastian said dully, "However, it smells as though our friend the Viscount dropped by. Logically, it will have been him who did this to you."

"Yeah, and I suppose he knows black magic such as this?"

"Ciel is a thirteen year old boy, he couldn't summon up much more than your common house-hold demon-butler even if he really wanted to."

"But- but,"

"Grelle, it would be best if you went back to your room while Sebastian and I took care of all this. I assure you, the murder of the Viscount Druitt will be very boring. In fact, it would be done in very few seconds. We might just be able to drag it out fifteen minutes if we're lucky."

"But-but…"

"Now, now, Mister Grelle, get a move on." Claude then began 'walking' Grelle out, keeping a firm grip on him before shoving him out the doorway and slamming it in his face. He flicked the lock with a smirk and left Grelle to bang on it awhile before retreating back to his room.

"I can't believe that stupid- Wait, I do believe it. The Viscount is very over the top, after all." Ciel shook his head with distaste.

"I think it's all very funny, the little war between you two." Alois said, clapping once for good measure.

"It's not to my liking." Ciel replied, looking at Sebastian.

"Sir?"

"I order you to resolve this."

"Yes, my lord."

"Claude, I order you to keep the fight going as long as possible."

"Yes, your highness." Faustus said, smirking once more.

"Oh, fuck you, Alois."

"Wouldn't you just love to, Ciel?"

"What? I never said that!"

"Oh, but you're blushing!"

The demon butlers shared a look before finally muttering 'good-byes' and heading out to find Druitt.

"I'll be going back to my bedroom if you don't mind." Ciel said, not giving Alois a second glance.

"Would you like me to join you in a few minutes?" the blonde noble called.

Ciel's response was to slam the door in his arrogant face.

-/-

Grelle's voice returned to him the next day. Sebastian and Claude had them running the show* that evening which meant Ciel and Grelle would defiantly be together on stage.

The practice was going rather well when a certain blonde man stepped in.

"Free him, you devil!" he screamed, trying to grab Ciel.

"I thought you killed him?" Claude said, glaring at Sebastian.

"Well, excuse me. I was not aware I was to do all of the killing while you ditched me to read playboy."

"I only read it for the ads!"

"What, planning on having a boob-job or something?"

"No!"

"Ciel, my love," Druitt interrupted, "Come with me! Be free of this monster!"

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?"

"That thing," the viscount exclaimed, pointing at Sebastian, "I know it is that thing which enslaves you. That monster whom forces you to love it."

"Ah, I seriously don't know what you're talking about." Ciel blushed, looking down.

That was when Sebastian launched a knife at him, nailing him right through the temple. That was the end of Druitt.

However, something was still bothering Ciel as he and Sebastian headed to the kitchen. After all, the fact that he'd just watched someone die had absolutely no effect on young Ciel Phantomhive. And he would be damned if he didn't get any cake that night.

"Sebastian, I couldn't help but notice the slight similarity between recent events and the play."

"Really, sir, I do not have the slighting inkling what you are talking about?"

"The play, the Phantom of the Opera! Can't you see, it's like I've been living the play! Just like fucking Hamlet!"

"My lord, you really should watch your mouth."

"Sebastian, how does the play end?" he asked, conveniently he hadn't gotten that part of the script and they had not yet finished running through the performance.

"It ended in a Dead-Draw."*

"Ah," Ciel said.

"But of course, the girl died first having married Raoul."

"So, I married Claude?" Ciel asked, almost laughing.

"Who said that I was the Phantom?" he returned.

The two smiled and continued on their way. The next evening, they received a phone call telling them that the original actors had broken up. The play would go on as normal, without the need of Phantom's little acting troop.

-/-

**Although I preach that theater is great for writers, I must admit it isn't all fun and games. It's like joining a family. There's a creepy Uncle Joey, a narcissistic cousin, a gay brother, a charming aunt, a prefect older sister, the forgetful grandparent and two parents whom keep everybody together. And like a family, there's ups and downs. Some nights it comes easy and some nights 'it don't come at all and these are the nights that never end.' But when it's all said and done, you're still together. You're "standing tall." And only the "Drama Club Geeks" know how to really party. **

*In theater, blocking refers to how people move on stage. Where they enter and exit (Although anyone whose read a screenplay will tell you it says where you enter and exit, sometimes this must be changed to speed things up.), where you might pass someone on stage, where certain props are set and how the characters might interact.  
*Running the show simply means going through the whole performance. It helps with learning cues, blocking and to make sure your show isn't dragging on for hours just because some idiot is idling onstage.  
* This a move in chess in which neither party can win, both Kings are in check. It also is a good comparison to the end of The Phantom. If you haven't seen it (I've watched both the play and the movie) then here's a spoiler (Hollywood style): The phantom has Raoul pinned with a noose around his neck. Christine must choose between the two. However, if she choices to be 'free of him' then he will kill her lover Raoul. If she choices him, the phantom, then she must stay in the dungeons forever but he will let Raoul live. (Even though he knew she'd pick him, he still would not have truly won for he'd never know if she stayed because she loved him or if she did it because she loved Raoul more.) Neither Christine nor Erik can win. Dead Draw.

_(I read about this in the Crimson Door series by BlackenedWing on fanfiction. If you like the anime Vampire Knight and yaoi, then you'd better go check it out! It's an amazing series by an amazing author!)_


	7. Farewell

**I'm sorry to have not updated in so long. I know not all of you know this, but I've been sick for a very long time and now, I've found out that I'm dying. If anyone wants to "adopt" this story or any of my others you may all feel free to do so. Good bye and love from Rhiannon, aka Nowaki Star**


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